the dead little bird

once upon a time, there was a dead bird. i don't know how it died, but it must have been over the weekend because monday morning, it was lying dead on the office's doorstep. ok, it wasn't actually on the doorstep, which is quite small. it was tucked up against the doorstep so that you stepped over it to enter the building. someone in our office said she thought it was a leaf.

anyway, the dead little bird was there monday morning, and a customer service rep came in complaining about it.  the dead little bird was still there this morning, when the same customer service reps complained about it. seeing as how auditors were coming, we decided to move it out of sight. having a dead bird by your doorstep is not very inviting or professional.

someone suggested a memorial service, so when my manager brought out a dustpan and scooped up the dead little bird, i said a few words. it was a very moving ceremony. unfortunately, it was only a little bit like the episode of The Office where they have a funeral for a dead bird. quote time!

Pam: I'd also like to say a few words if that's okay.
Michael: Yes.
Pam: What do we know about this bird? You might think, "Not much. It's just a bird." But we do know some things. We know it was a local bird. Maybe it's that same bird that surprised Oscar that one morning with a special present from above.
Kevin: Oh, I remember that. That was SO funny. 
Pam: And we know how he died. Flying into the glass doors. But you know what? I don't think he was being stupid. I think he just really, really wanted to come inside our building to spread his cheer and lift our spirits with a song.
Dwight: He's not a songbird. 
Michael: Shhh.
Pam: An impression, then. Lastly, we can't help but notice that he was by himself when he died, but of course, we all know that doesn't mean he was alone. Because I'm sure that there were lots of other birds out there who cared for him very much. He will not be forgotten. 
Angela: [quickly] Amen.
Dwight: [begins playing recorder]
Pam: [singing] Just smile for me and let the day begin. You are the sunshine that lights my heart within... on the wings of love ...


so, it wasn't really like that. but it was close enough.


in the end, the auditors came, and there was not a dead bird there to greet them. they don't even know they should be grateful.


the end.